Effective communication is indeed the key to making your relationships work. Effective communication is the tool that serves to provide for what is nurturing and fulfilling in your life: If you share yourself a lot, if you can make yourself well understood, or have an ability to influence and inspire... then it can be said that these things reflect your ability to communicate effectively. Ultimately, the more you communicate the more love you bring into existence and into being.
Communication is made up of speaking and listening. However, listening has not got the attention it really deserves in the practice of good communication skills. Listening is the key to achievement. So, what does it take to be an effective listener? Before giving that all-empowering answer, let's look at situations where people do not listen or give their full attention.
It can be said that listening means to be able to duplicate what was spoken. Here are some of the things that go on when not duplicating; not listening or not paying attention.
"I've heard this all before"
Instead of hearing the words spoken, in anticipation, the listener stops listening and decides "I've heard this all before..." The listener may interject trying to complete the sentence or go off at a tangent... but didn't realize that the speaker had something new to say.
Timed listening
As it says above, the listener (consciously or unconsciously) stops listening after a certain amount of time given to the speaker. I have noticed this habit in many people, unaware that the person had more to say.
Waiting for the cue...
Some people, regardless of what is being spoken just wait for the point where they can interject, usually as soon as they've made out the subject of the conversation. This is the cue for them to interject and talk, talk, talk away on the subject matter... Observe 2 people like this and it's like watching 2 television sets next to each other, i.e. neither listens to the other!
Not having a 'listening for.'
Listening is not simply just about paying attention to and making sense of a bunch of words spoken. Listening is active and interpretive. Let me explain. If you speak a bunch of words to a Doctor his active and interpretive listening will be for how your health is. However, speak to a car salesman and his listening will be for how he can sell you a car. So to be effective in life we need to have a certain active and interpretive 'listening for' opportunity. The analogy is this. A radar detector may be able to detect tiny amounts of radar but would not pick up on a gale force wind. Are you missing an opportunity in your life because you don't have a listening for it?
Listening with your opinion
Sometimes, people do not allow the person speaking the attention he/she wants. Instead of simply hearing how it is for that speaker, they 'listen with their opinion' and can interject and go off at a tangent with this. Your opinion may well have value and be valid, however, it is sometimes necessary to put your opinion aside and give the speaker some space to communicate...
So, what is good listening?
Good listening is the opposite of the above 'not listening' features. I suggest you read them again with a focus on how your listening could be if you were the opposite of these things.
To summarise, good listening means to be able to duplicate the speaker, be with the speaker like your hearing something new, not timing the listening or 'waiting for the cue' to interject. Having a 'listening for' opportunity or with the viewpoint of what could I learn from the speaker... is crucial and serves as a platform and key to ALL your achievements. Something else worth a mention, if you really want to learn about people and life then just stay quiet...
To just simply listen to someone means giving them the space and time for them to BE. Therefore, your listening is a precious gift you give to someone.
Good communication runs smoothly and effortlessly care of the ability to show acknowledgement and understanding. These things would never happen had it not be for good listening.
The way you listen waves, shapes and moulds the world you live in.
About the Author
If you liked reading this article then go to http://www.NewParadigm.ws for more related articles, blogs and videos... including a free download PDF entitled 'The Greater Way and the New Paradigm Experience'. Hosted by Paul A Philips. Once again the link is: http://www.newparadigm.ws/
